Honne 本音 and Tatemae 建前: What You Think vs. What You Say…

Honne 本音 and Tatemae 建前: What You Think vs. What You Say...

As we end another year, I always engage in a time of deep self-reflection. I filter through everything I’ve experienced and learned throughout the year to find the most important thing I’ve learned, remembered, or realized. Then, I share it, hoping it will help others along their life journeys. 

As an East Asian Medicine practitioner, I constantly balance my patients' health needs with their desire to live as they see fit. Sometimes, I challenge their belief in Western Medicine despite its lack of efficacy for their situation. Other times, I decide to have the uncomfortable “fish or cut bait” conversation because prolonging regular shiatsu treatments would waste their time and money if they were unwilling to change their lifestyle choices.

Delicate conversations with some patients have sometimes left me feeling frustrated and sad because I know what they are doing in their lives that is creating their pain, discomfort, and disease.  Yet, I cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change.  I know this to be true: if you’re not changing it, you’re choosing it. 

These delicate conversations with my patients remind me of something I learned when I was young.  Specifically, what we think and what we say may not always mean the same thing.  This is the Japanese concept of Honne (本音) and Tatemae (本音).  Please click the link to read the entire Ki to Life article:  

Honne 本音 and Tatemae 建前: What You Think vs. What You Say...